Apparently...

I can bruise myself in my sleep.

Splendid, I've found a new talent.

Too bad I used a lot of my beloved eye makeup remover to try and "erase" the bruise.  You would've thought the constant wiping without the "makeup" coming off would've tipped me off that it wasn't makeup. Nope, not me.

See that nice black smudge? Yeah, that's not makeup. Haha. Now, to figure out how the bruise got there!